Visiting a dying loved one is a hard thing. Wednesday was especially hard for me to visit my Poppa. Over the 80mins that I was with him, he was up and down like a yo-yo. Firstly he was hardly talking and didn't really recognise that I was there. It was heartbreaking and very hard for me to bear. After a little while he rallied a bit and during his lunch was even joking with me! He was being a bit cheeky, which is the way that I want to remember him, because that's a big part of his character.
I'm not sure what is hardest- loosing my Poppa due to death, or losing him to old age and him living, but being a vegetable. That last one is the way that things are going at the moment, and it's hard. It's hard seeing such an independent and strong man simply lying in a bed waiting for death. How do I pray for him? Do I pray for him to get better and to prolong his life, or do I pray for death to come swiftly? I believe that God has the power to do both of these things, but when Poppa's like he is at the moment it's hard to believe that he will be getting any better. Maybe it would be better if he was able to be in heaven with God?
And then there's the toll that it's taking on the family. It's especially hard for my Mum, who just wants her Dad back. It's also draining, as we're spending time with him twice each day (between the three of us). If things go on the way that they are for a few months, we'll all be exhausted at the end of it. But is that what I should be thinking about? The toll that it takes on the family? Shouldn't I just be praying for him to hold on as long as he can, so we can spend more time with him and not worry about the stress? But then that in itself is selfish, because wanting him to be alive just for the sake of being alive may not be the best thing for my Poppa.
The best thing that I can do is to leave it in God's hands. It's a hard thing to do, but who better to give the situation to? I pray that my Poppa can not suffer and be in pain and that God will take him when the time is right. Please can you pray this with me?
I'm not sure what is hardest- loosing my Poppa due to death, or losing him to old age and him living, but being a vegetable. That last one is the way that things are going at the moment, and it's hard. It's hard seeing such an independent and strong man simply lying in a bed waiting for death. How do I pray for him? Do I pray for him to get better and to prolong his life, or do I pray for death to come swiftly? I believe that God has the power to do both of these things, but when Poppa's like he is at the moment it's hard to believe that he will be getting any better. Maybe it would be better if he was able to be in heaven with God?
And then there's the toll that it's taking on the family. It's especially hard for my Mum, who just wants her Dad back. It's also draining, as we're spending time with him twice each day (between the three of us). If things go on the way that they are for a few months, we'll all be exhausted at the end of it. But is that what I should be thinking about? The toll that it takes on the family? Shouldn't I just be praying for him to hold on as long as he can, so we can spend more time with him and not worry about the stress? But then that in itself is selfish, because wanting him to be alive just for the sake of being alive may not be the best thing for my Poppa.
The best thing that I can do is to leave it in God's hands. It's a hard thing to do, but who better to give the situation to? I pray that my Poppa can not suffer and be in pain and that God will take him when the time is right. Please can you pray this with me?
I would pray for Dad that He would continue to grow closer to God in the days that He has left - no matter how many or few they were, and that we (the family) would also grow closer to Him as we push through, and trust in God's timing. xo
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